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So many moms tell me they feel this huge pressure to do so much and do it a certain way in order to be a “good” mom. They’re overwhelmed just trying to keep up, make everyone happy, and let their kids do all-the-things so they don’t miss an opportunity.

It’s easy to lose sight of what’s important to us when our day-to-day lives get so crazy. We end up supporting other people’s priorities and become overcommitted and exhausted, which leads to feeling unhappy and unappreciated.

Even our relationships suffer because we have less patience and no time to connect. That brings miscommunication and challenging behavior — no fun.

Thankfully, though, if we become more intentional about how we’re living then it doesn’t have to be this way. Sometimes we just need to slow down and take stock of what we’re doing and see if our lives actually reflect what matters to us.

So think about it, are you the mom and person you want to be or are you busy being the mom you think you ‘should’ be? Maybe you’ve been too busy to even think about this before — that’s okay.

Here’s a chance to focus on what’s important to you so you can make intentional choices and design your life according to your plan, not someone else’s. It’s only when your daily life reflects your values that you’ll feel happy, fulfilled and in-control.

And since kids pick up and plug into how we’re feeling, when we’re happier our kids are happier and more cooperative. And too, when we feel more in-control of our own days and lives we’re not as controlling of our kids and their behavior, which limits the power struggles we get into with them — bonus!

So start by getting clear on what’s most important to you. Jot those things down and then pick the 3 or 4 that would be at the top of your list and look at how much of your time, energy and money is spent on them.

Next, figure out what (if anything) in your life is distracting you from who you want to be and what you want to focus on. Is it too much stuff? Too many activities? A schedule that’s too demanding? Technology?

And finally, choose one one small thing you want to do differently.

For example, let’s say one of my priorities is to feed my family healthy food but we’re never home for dinner because we have so many activities. Then we end up eating cereal or sandwiches several nights a week, which leaves me feeling guilty or like I’m a “bad” mom. Until I intentionally plan for how we can eat healthy meals I’ll feel out of alignment. The solution? We could limit activities that interfere with dinnertime, we could spend more time planning and prepping on the weekends, we could focus on eating more nutritious food at breakfast and lunch.

There’s no ‘right’ solution. Instead it’s about becoming more intentional, focusing on what’s important to me so I can feel like I’m doing my best (regardless of the outcome). And ultimately when we eliminate the distractions that cause our overwhelm and guilt then we have more time and attention for those we love. We can be more present and actually have fun with our family!